Hard Terrible Thing/She Got Everything

Hard Terrible Thing/She Got Everything 
When you decide it is over the yearning for something but also relief when you finally come to grips with it you realize the effort expended mental and physical but also the rewards the friendships made the opportunities to travel extensively and compete against some of the best athletes in foreign lands representing your country in a friendly competition.
London, Brussels, Amsterdam, Warsaw, Prague, Milan, Beijing, Tokyo, Betsudai, Fukuoka, Auckland, Sydney, San Cristobal all in the past ashes but not forgotten dreams.
We all fall down.
So I moved on from this obsession I once had I did of course, I did but there is a part of you the wonder part that holds on and when you are asleep at night in your dreams the past co-mingles with the present and suddenly you are at that big competition again challenging all your old rivals for a spot on the podium and then you wake up.
We never know how things will turn out we take a gamble follow our instincts we worry if we did the right things, did we do all we could we second guess all to no avail. Finish 

Mere musings hard terrible time.
When the summer is still here but you can feel it slipping away.

Yanking my body up small hills age and gravity against me but no match for mind or circling the track the last few days legs, logs and after such a good effort a week ago in a small race in Maine.

A bit of barefoot running on the nicely trimmed grass of high school athletics fields and a swim in a local pond.

The track I sometimes hit a nice groove even at 12 minute pace 33 1/3 pace. Last mile stretch it out on the back straight I’m leading or maybe in DFL no matter just another lap 64 friggin years old.

Some memorable races on the track so different from marathon racing always coming down to pure guts versus pure speed, (the difference in marathon racing pure guts equals pure speed and then some) unfortunately so many races in this modern era championship races are all speed and who doubles the clutch at the right moment.

I am into my last mile today beautiful track in the woods no one but me and I recall a race A strange one where I felt I was the driver a race 5,000 meters the B race one of those great development meets they had at Northeastern’s track in Dedham in the 80’s and being somewhat thrown off not to be placed in the top seeded race rather than just go out and hall ass I ran a bit lackadaisical this race just a warm up for Nationals and being past my prime etc.   not that I believed that and some of those runners in the seeded race well why them not me? My racing pedigree well beyond them but officialdumb dumbs.

The pace was not terrible 8:59@2 but should be 20 seconds faster, the memorable was that on the back straightaway a small crowd was rabidly cheering on a competitor of mine not that I had anything against this individual and he could have, should have been in that seeded race as well but now I directed all my energies to beating him and beating him bad.

And it felt good so good now I understand the cowards who kick because I moved with 700 to go and saluted his little cheering section as I blasted by them. 

Big deal I ran 14:02 a time I had run many times and for the first 5,000 of a recent 10,000 M at the Penn Relays.

It was 1987 my wife and I in our little house she ironing in the kitchen “Married with Children” on the little TV set.

I am saying “I need to run one more year” 

All in another day’s run.